That tricky four letter Word...

LOVE no scratch that LUST. that ugly tricky little 4-letter word that causes confusion, drama, happiness, and tears. i dont even know where to begin with my episode with it lately. an on and off relationship just ended, and im sad....but then i look ahead and think that maybe this is right for the both of us....no matter how much im missin us and the past. it seems that things were never going to be like they used to...and i dunno, maybe it is my fault...and ive known that for a minute but i dont think i could confess that to you...why? cause i know you will know that youve won. and i hate losing. i hate the fact that you cannot allow a friendship between us and that probably hurts me more than anything. i hope this isnt the end and somewhere in your heart, we can find the friendship that we never had from the beginning because we jumped right into a relationship....i like you dude...always had, and always will. but on to other things.......yes, concerning love. so theres this other person ive been talking to lately and hes like a year older, really cute and got some great things going for him...and honestly i would be a damn fool to pass him up. but im going to, why?? because hes already told me how much ive got him hooked and yaddayaddayadda...and mind you, we havent done ANYTHING yet...but he confesses and tells me how much hes liking me. and i dont feel the same way. i mean, i like him in the beginning, but i guess his heart moves faster than mine because now im just not that into him. it sucks cause i thought i really did, but ive learned from my mistakes in the past about acting upon bloated feelings. never doing that again! so yea....i think im going to stop talking to him before he gets too far ahead of himself. i feel bad, but its better this way right???

well...to conclude this....i think im just too independent for any guy at this moment. im tired of searching for someone to make me feel crazy about them, like i hear all these other people talk about their significant others and frankly, im starting to think that its all in their minds and theres no such thing. but then again, maybe there is and its just not time for me to experience it yet........