i been searchin my whole life...
every time i thought i found him- i stood corrected.
still felt alone. still felt neglected.
i was wrong so many times that i could say i lost count.
its obvious to say, it was never him that i found.
please believe i always wanted him to smile
temporary happniess is for those in denial.
i already had potential- indeed it was true
but i couldnt find my destiny until i found him too.
i promised not to be stubborn and keep him all to myself
eventually id give way and share with someone else.
id introduce him to a world where he'd feel no shame
make him proud to be himself and define his own name.
give him strength to ignore the enemies in his path
and courage to keep standing until hes the last.
but why couldnt i find him? i looked everywhere.
granted im a good woman, no one seemed to care.
just as i was about to give up
after all this searchin i realized one thing-
i wasnt lookin for a man. i was tryin to find ME.
now i understand its all about whats inside.
so i replaced every "him" with "me" and "im".
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
Money Power Respect
Im sure you've heard the three words "Money, Power, Respect" used as a phrase before. Most people have their own definition, as do i. For those who care to know what i define as "Money, Power, Respect" continue reading. The rest of you feel free to exit my blog.
Money doesnt mean having huge dollar amounts- Money is money, period! Whether its £1 or £1,000... if it has a Pound sign in front or a pence sign behind it, guess what it is- MONEY! Im not the type to knock one's hustle, no matter what it is. I may not agree with it or see myself using the same strategy, but ive learned that everyone has their own ways of making ends meet. Sometimes you just gotta get it how you live... if that means clocking in every morning at 9am working a total of 40 hours a week, selling CD's to promote your music, or the illegal way(s) lol but lets try to think positive, yeah? So you understand what money is! now moving on to POWER.
Power is the ability to perform or act effectively. Power is what a lot of people would like to have, but not something everyone can handle. Which is why we have leaders such as mayors, council men, presidents, etc. Anyone who believes their voice should be heard has potential to be powerful. Anyone whos voice is heard is powerful. No matter who you are, where you are, where you come from, or what you do there is ALWAYS someone somewhere going through the same thing. What you do or say can and will most likely be followed by another individual. Which is why its important to understand the use of power. Some people go over board and make ignorant suggestions. Thats what we call going on a "power-trip". When one doesnt know how to control their actions or superiority; keep it professional. Instead of having true leadership, they just see it as being in charge. When given power its not meant to brainwash- its meant for you to speak upon everyones beliefs that you agree with and somehow everybody is heard through YOUR voice. Power is also taking responsibility for all good and bad decisions that are made. Even if your ideas dont change the whole world, doesnt mean they didnt change someone's world. which leads to RESPECT.
Respect is avoiding violation of another person's beliefs or showing relation to those beliefs. When you decide to join a group you either respect the groups leader or the people involved. Take note that admiration doesnt always follow respect. The two dont necessarily go hand in hand. You can have respect for someone, but at the same time, want nothing to do with them. Get what im saying? Whether you understand one's situation or not- being respectful means never judging. Ofcourse you cant help but to have an opinion on certain things, but you must realize thats all it will ever be- an opinion. Also, im sure you've heard the phrase "treat others the way you want to be treated" but we dont live in a perfect world, not everyone is going to respect you just because you respect them. The point is respecting others should be made a habit. You can always earn respect by showing confidence and having a high self-esteem. No one recognizes people who are unsure of themselves. To them youre just another face in the crowd.
So how does "Money, Power, Respect" all come together?
Well as i said in the beginning, money is money no matter the amount. If you want to make a difference then sometimes you have to invest in yourself. If not in yourself then in someone else who you believe would make the kind of difference you'd want to see in the world. For example, I joined the save the children campaign and I donate £5. It might not be much, but with every amount donated, someone else will match it and then the donation becomes doubled. Right there you have £10. Imagine how much money the campaign could raise if 50 more people joined! or 100! There is power in numbers. Which is where power comes in. Even having a little money means you have the power to change the world or at least make a difference. And when you can make a difference in peoples lives or better yet the world, you then gain respect. And even if you care nothing about the world and whats going on outside your own life, its still good information to know. Believe it or not, you are affected by what goes on in the world. There's only one!
Money doesnt mean having huge dollar amounts- Money is money, period! Whether its £1 or £1,000... if it has a Pound sign in front or a pence sign behind it, guess what it is- MONEY! Im not the type to knock one's hustle, no matter what it is. I may not agree with it or see myself using the same strategy, but ive learned that everyone has their own ways of making ends meet. Sometimes you just gotta get it how you live... if that means clocking in every morning at 9am working a total of 40 hours a week, selling CD's to promote your music, or the illegal way(s) lol but lets try to think positive, yeah? So you understand what money is! now moving on to POWER.
Power is the ability to perform or act effectively. Power is what a lot of people would like to have, but not something everyone can handle. Which is why we have leaders such as mayors, council men, presidents, etc. Anyone who believes their voice should be heard has potential to be powerful. Anyone whos voice is heard is powerful. No matter who you are, where you are, where you come from, or what you do there is ALWAYS someone somewhere going through the same thing. What you do or say can and will most likely be followed by another individual. Which is why its important to understand the use of power. Some people go over board and make ignorant suggestions. Thats what we call going on a "power-trip". When one doesnt know how to control their actions or superiority; keep it professional. Instead of having true leadership, they just see it as being in charge. When given power its not meant to brainwash- its meant for you to speak upon everyones beliefs that you agree with and somehow everybody is heard through YOUR voice. Power is also taking responsibility for all good and bad decisions that are made. Even if your ideas dont change the whole world, doesnt mean they didnt change someone's world. which leads to RESPECT.
Respect is avoiding violation of another person's beliefs or showing relation to those beliefs. When you decide to join a group you either respect the groups leader or the people involved. Take note that admiration doesnt always follow respect. The two dont necessarily go hand in hand. You can have respect for someone, but at the same time, want nothing to do with them. Get what im saying? Whether you understand one's situation or not- being respectful means never judging. Ofcourse you cant help but to have an opinion on certain things, but you must realize thats all it will ever be- an opinion. Also, im sure you've heard the phrase "treat others the way you want to be treated" but we dont live in a perfect world, not everyone is going to respect you just because you respect them. The point is respecting others should be made a habit. You can always earn respect by showing confidence and having a high self-esteem. No one recognizes people who are unsure of themselves. To them youre just another face in the crowd.
So how does "Money, Power, Respect" all come together?
Well as i said in the beginning, money is money no matter the amount. If you want to make a difference then sometimes you have to invest in yourself. If not in yourself then in someone else who you believe would make the kind of difference you'd want to see in the world. For example, I joined the save the children campaign and I donate £5. It might not be much, but with every amount donated, someone else will match it and then the donation becomes doubled. Right there you have £10. Imagine how much money the campaign could raise if 50 more people joined! or 100! There is power in numbers. Which is where power comes in. Even having a little money means you have the power to change the world or at least make a difference. And when you can make a difference in peoples lives or better yet the world, you then gain respect. And even if you care nothing about the world and whats going on outside your own life, its still good information to know. Believe it or not, you are affected by what goes on in the world. There's only one!
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Dreams circles And Prejudice
Before i start my blog, i recommend anyone who feels lost or needs words of wisdom watch Joel Osteen. He has been a huge inspiration to me and taught me a lot of things that i always knew but too afraid to believe.
First thing i want to address are DREAMS.
if there is anything you must remember about a dream it is that without a plan it becomes a wish. its in our nature to make a wish whenever we blow out birthday candles, lose an eyelash, or see a shooting star. but it needs to be in our nature to make plans as well. when you want to accomplish something in life, be aware of what that goal is. if someone asks you what is your purpose, make it clear. not only to the person questioning you, but to yourself. otherwise you'll never reach your desired destination.
make your goals and write them down. the more you read over them, the more obligated you feel to make them reality. there is a difference between a wish and a god given talent. if you find yourself constantly thinking about something, you go to sleep with it on your mind and wake up for the next 3 years every day with it on your mind- take time to invest in your talent. it was placed there for you to pursue.
you need long term goals & short term goals. long term goals need to be extreme, something you can achieve within 10 years. if you reach one of those goals in 2 or 3 years, they arent challenging enough. but make sure they are realistic. short term goals are so that you can celebrate your victory to being on your way to that long term goal. always remember that you have a destination, its up to you to come face to face with it. and never sit comfortably with being "satisfied" when it comes to your goals. you never really reach your best because no matter what youve accomplished, you can ALWAYS do better.
Now i want to talk about CIRCLES & PREJUDICE.
in life we go through stages where we say we dont need anybody, we can do it on our own. that may very well be so, but in all honesty i believe people were created TO need each other. everyone needs somebody whether youd like to admit it or not. people come in and out of your life, some stay longer than others. but realize people are brought into your life at certain times for several reasons such as to test your strength mentally, to stand by you through hard times, to love you, to help you and mold you, and lets not forget to distract you. in your heart you have to decide who belongs in what category.
Enlarge your circle of love. show more acceptance. the people we judge the most are often the people who have the warmest hearts. you miss out on great people when you size them up according to your "perfect" standards. the surface only reveals everything that is not permanent. a person could lose their money, their good looks, and all their flashy clothes. but once you get inside someones heart, theres nothin more beautiful.
there are many things a person could do wrong in the world, but probably the worst thing you can do is judge someone based on a mere glance. you should be more pleased with whats in somebodys heart and whats in their mind rather than how cool they look. just because someone dresses nice or looks nice doesnt assure you they have a good heart. give people the benefit of a doubt that they are doin the best they can with what theyve got. have a wide circle of love!its not about closing your circle to shut everyone out making them feel unwelcome, its about expanding your circle to those who bring you happiness. having to reduce your circle isnt something to brag about. when you widen your circle of love it chances your heart. when you sew mercy, you reap mercy.
First thing i want to address are DREAMS.
if there is anything you must remember about a dream it is that without a plan it becomes a wish. its in our nature to make a wish whenever we blow out birthday candles, lose an eyelash, or see a shooting star. but it needs to be in our nature to make plans as well. when you want to accomplish something in life, be aware of what that goal is. if someone asks you what is your purpose, make it clear. not only to the person questioning you, but to yourself. otherwise you'll never reach your desired destination.
make your goals and write them down. the more you read over them, the more obligated you feel to make them reality. there is a difference between a wish and a god given talent. if you find yourself constantly thinking about something, you go to sleep with it on your mind and wake up for the next 3 years every day with it on your mind- take time to invest in your talent. it was placed there for you to pursue.
you need long term goals & short term goals. long term goals need to be extreme, something you can achieve within 10 years. if you reach one of those goals in 2 or 3 years, they arent challenging enough. but make sure they are realistic. short term goals are so that you can celebrate your victory to being on your way to that long term goal. always remember that you have a destination, its up to you to come face to face with it. and never sit comfortably with being "satisfied" when it comes to your goals. you never really reach your best because no matter what youve accomplished, you can ALWAYS do better.
Now i want to talk about CIRCLES & PREJUDICE.
in life we go through stages where we say we dont need anybody, we can do it on our own. that may very well be so, but in all honesty i believe people were created TO need each other. everyone needs somebody whether youd like to admit it or not. people come in and out of your life, some stay longer than others. but realize people are brought into your life at certain times for several reasons such as to test your strength mentally, to stand by you through hard times, to love you, to help you and mold you, and lets not forget to distract you. in your heart you have to decide who belongs in what category.
Enlarge your circle of love. show more acceptance. the people we judge the most are often the people who have the warmest hearts. you miss out on great people when you size them up according to your "perfect" standards. the surface only reveals everything that is not permanent. a person could lose their money, their good looks, and all their flashy clothes. but once you get inside someones heart, theres nothin more beautiful.
there are many things a person could do wrong in the world, but probably the worst thing you can do is judge someone based on a mere glance. you should be more pleased with whats in somebodys heart and whats in their mind rather than how cool they look. just because someone dresses nice or looks nice doesnt assure you they have a good heart. give people the benefit of a doubt that they are doin the best they can with what theyve got. have a wide circle of love!its not about closing your circle to shut everyone out making them feel unwelcome, its about expanding your circle to those who bring you happiness. having to reduce your circle isnt something to brag about. when you widen your circle of love it chances your heart. when you sew mercy, you reap mercy.
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Sometimes you may feel like you are alone but God wanted me to tell you are not alone. You can be in an environment with people, and they can entertain you they can talk to you but you can still be around people, in a house full of people and still be lonely. Because there is something in you that is crying out for something that is not there, and you tryna figure out what is it?, When you need somebody to identify with. And you ask yourself how do ‘I deal with loneliness when I’m not alone, how do I deal with the reality that I feel like I’m by myself when I got people.
You have to understand intrinsically that everybody needs what psychologists call an essential person. An essential person who you can be transparent with an essential person who will stay with you in your darkest moments and not judge you and you can trust yourself to be with that essential person...the problem is even after you find that essential person that person is limited. They are limited because they are not always available; they are limited because their power to change a situation is restricted They are limited because sometimes they want to feel for you but they really don’t feel you.
So how then do you deal with loneliness, because loneliness is a reality for so many who have had to deal with rejection, it is a reality after going through separation it is an issue if you have had to deal with incarceration, it hovers you when you had to live through a death it is connected to you when you migrated to a new environment where nobody knows you. It is difficult when you had to go through loneliness and elevation because all of the people you knew were at one level and now God has taken you to another level. Loneliness will show up in failure because after you fail you don’t want to come around and show your face because you are not sure who knows and how they going to judge you and how they going to deal with you, loneliness will even show up when you tryna be disciplined and focused, loneliness will even be there when you tryna be friendly and out- going and you are not your extrovert.
And right now you may be feeling like you were at the edge like you will never be loved or never be valued, you’ll never be appreciated never be celebrated well the devil is a liar God had to give you a season of alone before he could give you a season of elevation. The majority of us whether we are honest or not are gonna have to testify, we know what it’s like to be alone and more than that we know what its like to be lonely, because every person who is alone is not lonely. Because I don’t have anybody doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my own company, because I don’t have a boyfriend don’t mean I’m desperate just because I ain’t seen nobody in a while don’t mean I wont take the first train leaving if I waited this long my circle of references has gotten smaller so I aint taking any old thing God if you had me wait this long the next thing coming got to step up or step down, but I need you to show me that my season of loneliness is not for frustration. We try to feel the void of loneliness by using things that never fulfil , so when we are lonely we try to use food as a substitution , when we are lonely we will go shopping to make ourselves feel better, when we are lonely we will have sex with anybody even when we know that it’s outside of the covenant because we want to feel affection and want to feel touched and want to feel beautiful, and desired, and want to feel wanted.
I know y’all are super saved but lets be real today you feel lonely and feeling lonely will drive you in the company of people who are not commensurate to your gift, and who are not on the same level of your intelligence who are not at the same path of your spirituality loneliness many times if you are not careful will coheres you to dummy down, that you will in fact limit your intellect so that mediocre people will feel comfortable and will not be intimidated by your creativity and by your mind and by your thought process, can I say that if you have to sacrifice your genius then those people are not your real friends, the people who are really connected to you should be able to handle greatness that is in you and not sunup you when they see you going further but they ought to be excited that there is a gift inside of you and the gift is that they have an opportunity to be connected to somebody great.
have you ever gone to the supermarket hungry? If you ever done this you will notice that you will buy food you don’t like, you will buy food that is not your taste, and you will get home and as you unpacking the bags you are saying to yourself why did I buy all of this when I know I aint gonna eat it when I know I don’t want it and the bottom line is that I was jus hungry. So here is what I’m saying Don’t look for people while you are lonely because if you look for people while you lonely you will start picking people that are not your taste, you’ll start picking people who are not on your level, and you’ll start picking people who don’t measure up to your expectations, and you’ll get that negroe home and you’ll say why did I do this? This is not what I wanted it was only because I was hungry.
Before you can find a person who will meet your need you’ve got to figure out what my needs are, I cannot expect you to meet the needs when I don’t know me so I’ll end up in a perpetual cycle of frustration looking for somebody to complete me when God is telling you, you can’t find your other half because you are not half a person, when God created you he created you whole so how dare you live your life for somebody else to make you whole, God is saying when I made you I made you fearfully and wonderfully made, when I made you I anointed you from the top of your head down to the soles of your feet. Stop chasing after mandem stop being frustrated over some woman, when you understand who you are let them know if you got me, you are blessed and if you walk away from me baby it’s your loss cuz you don’t even know who I am...
.Im just saying cuz i speak from experience!
You have to understand intrinsically that everybody needs what psychologists call an essential person. An essential person who you can be transparent with an essential person who will stay with you in your darkest moments and not judge you and you can trust yourself to be with that essential person...the problem is even after you find that essential person that person is limited. They are limited because they are not always available; they are limited because their power to change a situation is restricted They are limited because sometimes they want to feel for you but they really don’t feel you.
So how then do you deal with loneliness, because loneliness is a reality for so many who have had to deal with rejection, it is a reality after going through separation it is an issue if you have had to deal with incarceration, it hovers you when you had to live through a death it is connected to you when you migrated to a new environment where nobody knows you. It is difficult when you had to go through loneliness and elevation because all of the people you knew were at one level and now God has taken you to another level. Loneliness will show up in failure because after you fail you don’t want to come around and show your face because you are not sure who knows and how they going to judge you and how they going to deal with you, loneliness will even show up when you tryna be disciplined and focused, loneliness will even be there when you tryna be friendly and out- going and you are not your extrovert.
And right now you may be feeling like you were at the edge like you will never be loved or never be valued, you’ll never be appreciated never be celebrated well the devil is a liar God had to give you a season of alone before he could give you a season of elevation. The majority of us whether we are honest or not are gonna have to testify, we know what it’s like to be alone and more than that we know what its like to be lonely, because every person who is alone is not lonely. Because I don’t have anybody doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my own company, because I don’t have a boyfriend don’t mean I’m desperate just because I ain’t seen nobody in a while don’t mean I wont take the first train leaving if I waited this long my circle of references has gotten smaller so I aint taking any old thing God if you had me wait this long the next thing coming got to step up or step down, but I need you to show me that my season of loneliness is not for frustration. We try to feel the void of loneliness by using things that never fulfil , so when we are lonely we try to use food as a substitution , when we are lonely we will go shopping to make ourselves feel better, when we are lonely we will have sex with anybody even when we know that it’s outside of the covenant because we want to feel affection and want to feel touched and want to feel beautiful, and desired, and want to feel wanted.
I know y’all are super saved but lets be real today you feel lonely and feeling lonely will drive you in the company of people who are not commensurate to your gift, and who are not on the same level of your intelligence who are not at the same path of your spirituality loneliness many times if you are not careful will coheres you to dummy down, that you will in fact limit your intellect so that mediocre people will feel comfortable and will not be intimidated by your creativity and by your mind and by your thought process, can I say that if you have to sacrifice your genius then those people are not your real friends, the people who are really connected to you should be able to handle greatness that is in you and not sunup you when they see you going further but they ought to be excited that there is a gift inside of you and the gift is that they have an opportunity to be connected to somebody great.
have you ever gone to the supermarket hungry? If you ever done this you will notice that you will buy food you don’t like, you will buy food that is not your taste, and you will get home and as you unpacking the bags you are saying to yourself why did I buy all of this when I know I aint gonna eat it when I know I don’t want it and the bottom line is that I was jus hungry. So here is what I’m saying Don’t look for people while you are lonely because if you look for people while you lonely you will start picking people that are not your taste, you’ll start picking people who are not on your level, and you’ll start picking people who don’t measure up to your expectations, and you’ll get that negroe home and you’ll say why did I do this? This is not what I wanted it was only because I was hungry.
Before you can find a person who will meet your need you’ve got to figure out what my needs are, I cannot expect you to meet the needs when I don’t know me so I’ll end up in a perpetual cycle of frustration looking for somebody to complete me when God is telling you, you can’t find your other half because you are not half a person, when God created you he created you whole so how dare you live your life for somebody else to make you whole, God is saying when I made you I made you fearfully and wonderfully made, when I made you I anointed you from the top of your head down to the soles of your feet. Stop chasing after mandem stop being frustrated over some woman, when you understand who you are let them know if you got me, you are blessed and if you walk away from me baby it’s your loss cuz you don’t even know who I am...
.Im just saying cuz i speak from experience!
Wednesday, 9 March 2011
What I've Heard...
I've heard...
Sometimes its best to...let go..
Sometimes its best to let show...your feelings...your...inner thoughts..
I've heard...
Sometimes its right to show emotion...show love..show...your inner thoughts..
I've heard...
Sometimes its okay to let show...your tears...your..worries...your inner thoughts..
I've heard...
I've heard all I had to hear...
My inner thoughts are gone...
My tears are still here..my emotion..still strong...my feelings...won't disappear..
So sometimes its okay...and sometimes it will hurt,
But thats just what I've heard...My mind is no longer clear,
My mind is filled with tears...
So for you to listen to your heart,
And do what it is thats their...Just remember what I've Heard...
Cause believe me...those thoughts are always there...
Well...atleast...thats what i've heard....Maybe I shoulda listened more... :(
Sometimes its best to...let go..
Sometimes its best to let show...your feelings...your...inner thoughts..
I've heard...
Sometimes its right to show emotion...show love..show...your inner thoughts..
I've heard...
Sometimes its okay to let show...your tears...your..worries...your inner thoughts..
I've heard...
I've heard all I had to hear...
My inner thoughts are gone...
My tears are still here..my emotion..still strong...my feelings...won't disappear..
So sometimes its okay...and sometimes it will hurt,
But thats just what I've heard...My mind is no longer clear,
My mind is filled with tears...
So for you to listen to your heart,
And do what it is thats their...Just remember what I've Heard...
Cause believe me...those thoughts are always there...
Well...atleast...thats what i've heard....Maybe I shoulda listened more... :(
Sunday, 27 February 2011
My Kinda Guy Is it You?
All I could ask for...
A guy whos not ashamed
that takes pride in holding my hand
one that doenst play games
And is proud to be my man
A guy whose kiss
Makes my heart beat fast
Who appreciates my hips
But aint in It for the ASS
A guy thats confident
Without taking it to the head
Who knows hes fly
But compliments me instead
A guy with manners
He aint got to open every door
Just has to come correct
A personality thats mature
A guy with a future
He needs goals in his life
If he needs help im his teacher
As well as his wife.
A man with passion
Who holds me close at night
Aint always looking for action
But knows when the time is right
A guy to say im beautiful
Rather than im Hot
Who accepts me for me
And realises what he’s got
A guy that means every word
Of what he’s telling me
And believes what I feel,
So love is not mistaken for jealousy.
A guy who can respect
I march to no ones drum except GOD’s
I know where im headed
Even if I am the only one
A guy that knows whats righti n front of him
Without comparing me to other girls
Who has only eyes for me
And sees me as the one to share his world!
A guy whos not ashamed
that takes pride in holding my hand
one that doenst play games
And is proud to be my man
A guy whose kiss
Makes my heart beat fast
Who appreciates my hips
But aint in It for the ASS
A guy thats confident
Without taking it to the head
Who knows hes fly
But compliments me instead
A guy with manners
He aint got to open every door
Just has to come correct
A personality thats mature
A guy with a future
He needs goals in his life
If he needs help im his teacher
As well as his wife.
A man with passion
Who holds me close at night
Aint always looking for action
But knows when the time is right
A guy to say im beautiful
Rather than im Hot
Who accepts me for me
And realises what he’s got
A guy that means every word
Of what he’s telling me
And believes what I feel,
So love is not mistaken for jealousy.
A guy who can respect
I march to no ones drum except GOD’s
I know where im headed
Even if I am the only one
A guy that knows whats righti n front of him
Without comparing me to other girls
Who has only eyes for me
And sees me as the one to share his world!
Sunday, 30 January 2011
The Worst Is Yet To Come...
so maybe im not the only one who loves you.. and maybe im not the only one that you "love", but how can that be? if you feel thats possible, you just havent felt true love yet. when you can share your heart with more than one person, youre not ready to promise anyone your heart at all. why take the time to convince a person you love them and have to repeat yourself all over again to another girl? why cant you just be sincere about what you say? what does a girl have to do in order to make you realize that her heart isnt to be played with, but to be taken in your hands and protected through any and every situation. its true, love is allowing someone to hurt you, but trusting them not to. but when that does finally happen, when all has failed and things happen to go wrong.. what is the right thing to do? i know my love is sincere. i know how i really feel... ive told you everything there is to know, anything i ever thought you might get mad at in the future if you found out by someone else... you know how i felt about other guys even though you didnt want to hear it. but YOU.... i opened up with you so much more, i let you in places no one else has ever been able to go.. i ACTUALLY TRUSTED YOU! and i have myself to blame. you swear to god you want to be with me, that you love me, that theres no one else for you.. but who else did you say that to? why do you feel the need to keep other females holding on to you when im supposedly the only one you care for. my love isnt enough for you? you need to be reminded by other girls that they still love you? or is it that when youre mad at me you need someone to run to so you can get your mind off of the one you REALLY love? what is the point of gassin other girls.. if thats what youre really doing? i dont provide enough for you... i dont give you any and everything you need? maybe i dont love you how you want me to or maybe i dont say all the things that every other girl has, but that doesnt mean i dont feel that way. maybe i was trying to keep myself from getting hurt all over again... maybe i wanted to pace myself in this relationship and let you know in my own way how i felt. but just because i dont call a thousand times a day, or i dont say something or do something exactly the way you want it... means i dont love you the way i say i do? do you even know what its like to have your heart broken? do you know what its like to sit up in the dark the whole night just starin at yourself in the mirror because you cant believe you let someone have your heart but all they did was throw it back in your face? do you know what its like to share your deepest secrets and then have someone lie to you about how they will NEVER lie to you or making promises that they knew they wasnt going to keep? did it ever occur that you just might actually fall in love with someone and that they are going to do what youve done to everyone else? why is it that you must bite the hand that feeds you? is it your ego.. is it your REPUTATION that youre trying to maintain? its understood that its hard for you to be open about your feelings, and when you actually are open its understood that what youre doing should be appreciated.. and it is, because sometimes i swear im alone in this relationship. ive tried to change up my bad habits... and youve changed me in ways that i couldnt even control.. now i care about all the little things that you do and i feel like i need to question you about stuff and that i should be jealous... but that was never who i was.. i hate caring about that stuff! but its not fair when you go off and say the things you do then expect me to just be okay with it. i put up with who you are because i love you.. but i wont put up with this extra stuff. im not trying to go through this anymore. I TOLD YOU IM DONE CRYING.... IVE RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.... theres nothing else i can do to make you believe that what i say is real. or maybe you do believe me but you dont care? because you dont do things like that to people you "LOVE"... you got a hell of a touch, having all these girls SO in love with you, doing wrong by themselves just to spend 15 minutes of down time with you or just to hear you tell them you love them back... how do you do it? how do you live with yourself knowing that youre hurting not just 1, but a few people? i dont doubt that you love me... but im just not sure you can love someone and do the things you did. you say youre in love... but if that was the case
"Love should have brought you home..."
"Love should have brought you home..."
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